As greath a length of celibacy as I could endure. . .

As great a length of celibacy as I could endure

Could not make me forget the feeling of a penis inside me

Conjured up at any time

As if no time had passed at all

Even when I wish those memories, those sensations would disintegrate

As if time passing would allow new experience, new point of view

Allow me to shed all that was

I still cling to my chosen fate until I no longer know why nor what I was ever searching for

Rather, in my obstinacy, I live that moment in exclusion

All those moments where I wanted something different

I hold onto simultaneously

Waiting for that perfect opportunity

To change my rigid internal state holding me captive

All that frustration, anger, need, disappointment, disgust

Swirling in my vision

Longing for someone to come along and force me out of it

Because if I asked, they never would oblige,

Except with obligation. . . annoyance

Just love me

All of me, no matter what

Please don’t press me

To be what you think you need

To fulfill your own eternally heartbreaking secret agendas

Come out of all that

To be with me

(All of me, the real me, any me that I be)

Without judgment, reasoning

All your whys, hows

Defining why I be when you can’t possibly ever work that out to fit me

Or to fit your own rigid internal state

Of which you fight for the rightness

To the exclusion of all else that chooses to exist whether or not you see it

Just love me

Every part of me, no matter what

As much as you know how

And I’ll do the same for you