Hah-HAH!

I'm going to start writing again, and I'm looking for ideas!  Erotic choose-your-own-adventures.  How cool could that be?  I don't think it's ever been done before.  It could be super awesome to play out various fantasies, or it could be super frustrating when you get to one of those that ends really quickly and boring.  hehe.

With copper around my ankles. . .

With copper around my ankles,

a dead mouse in the corner that I cried over earlier

and phone calls from people telling me I need to pay up

Still, just in the back of my mind

‘Cause my body would really just like to be touched

Breasts uncovered, caressing myself

Easily feeling your hands again

Soon my flesh tells me all clothes should come off

So it can bask in itself, uncovered

Take down the curtains

Let the sunlight penetrate my soft skin

illuminating that glow that is, was always there

                       

Sweet slickness in one hand

And a pen in the other

Thankful my body prefers the right hand

Because how would I write?

The way my body feels when you’re around

The way my body looks when you’re around

I’ve used the same description you did

Have I liked it?  I’ve tried

But with you, it’s true

As greath a length of celibacy as I could endure. . .

As great a length of celibacy as I could endure

Could not make me forget the feeling of a penis inside me

Conjured up at any time

As if no time had passed at all

Even when I wish those memories, those sensations would disintegrate

As if time passing would allow new experience, new point of view

Allow me to shed all that was

I still cling to my chosen fate until I no longer know why nor what I was ever searching for

Rather, in my obstinacy, I live that moment in exclusion

All those moments where I wanted something different

I hold onto simultaneously

Waiting for that perfect opportunity

To change my rigid internal state holding me captive

All that frustration, anger, need, disappointment, disgust

Swirling in my vision

Longing for someone to come along and force me out of it

Because if I asked, they never would oblige,

Except with obligation. . . annoyance

Just love me

All of me, no matter what

Please don’t press me

To be what you think you need

To fulfill your own eternally heartbreaking secret agendas

Come out of all that

To be with me

(All of me, the real me, any me that I be)

Without judgment, reasoning

All your whys, hows

Defining why I be when you can’t possibly ever work that out to fit me

Or to fit your own rigid internal state

Of which you fight for the rightness

To the exclusion of all else that chooses to exist whether or not you see it

Just love me

Every part of me, no matter what

As much as you know how

And I’ll do the same for you

Currently untitled -- previous title. . . well, things change. : (

Come take a walk with me to the creek

Where the sound of it bubbling behind us

washes away

things we never even knew existed

Let all of those edges of yourself dissolve

Till we merge into one another

And everything

Come count the ladybugs with me

That adorn this tree that gifts us life and breath

Their subtle red mixing with the tender buds

that promise new life

Experience this other realm that exists everywhere,

And everywhere our mind doesn’t

Come take a walk with me to the falls

Where its cold infused us with aliveness

And the sunlight allows us the remembrance of light embodied

Let all those edges of yourself dissolve

Till the caresses of breeze, sun, water, rock, hands

Are all the same

Unlocking more of you

Into the bliss of being

Eyes -- Unfinished

Eternally boyish or painfully macho?

How about a delicious mix of the two

That makes your heart ache and your sex ache

Dying to be consumed by your eyes

Those gray flames that could burn me up

Burn down my walls, burn my skin

That would just keep burning my identity over and over like a phoenix that never rises

I'm sorry (this may be changed too -- in the last 3 months, there's a WHOLE lot more I'm sorry for)

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for being such a stupid girl.

I’m sorry for wanting you so much, liking you so much, loving you so much.

I’m sorry for wishing we could have more.

I’m sorry for misinterpreting what you said into a possibility instead of the other way around.

I’m sorry you love her so much.

I’m sorry I hate it.

I’m sorry I don’t like to be around you guys.

I’m sorry that I want to leave as soon as she walks into the room.

I’m sorry for being impatient.

I’m sorry for waiting.

I’m sorry for being a stupid stupid girl who, according to you, gets too upset over things that don’t mean anything.

I’m sorry my feelings aren’t valid enough for you.

I’m sorry you mean so much more to me than I to you.

I’m sorry I can’t mean enough to you to even make the effort to spend time with me.

I’m sorry it would be such an effort.

I’m sorry that you don’t want to just come be with me, that you want to put it off until you can get drunk.

I’m sorry I get so blindingly excited about all of your empty promises.

And so much more sorry that I continue to believe you when you speak them.

What a stupid girl.

I’m sorry for telling you how much I want you.

I’m sorry for asking you to touch me.

I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done that have made your relationship more difficult.

I’m sorry you have one girlfriend and have to deal with shit from two.

I’m sorry I don’t want to let you go.

I’m really sorry that I probably won’t give up.

I’m sorry I’m too depressed to be the girl you fell for.

I’m sorry there’s no happiness radiating from anywhere right now, me or anyone else.

I’m sorry everyone’s operating from heavy obligation bullshit instead of asking for what they want/need. 

You’re both dumbasses.

I’m sorry that even if you wanted to be with me, we wouldn’t be able to get it right.

We’d want different things.

I’m sorry I wouldn’t want to do all the things you’d want to do together.

I’m sorry I wouldn’t be able to be the girlfriend you’d want.

I’m sorry we’re not as compatible as you and her.

I’m sorry I’m so inexperienced.

I’m sorry, I doubt I’d be near as fun in bed as her .  .  .

. . . I don’t want to think about that.  That’d hurt.

I’m sorry for resenting her, as if it were her fault I can’t have you.

I’m sorry for the anger, for hating her, for my disgust for her since she’s changed.

I’m sorry for not loving all of her.

I’m sorry for feeling like I’m supposed to.

I’m sorry for resenting her for her passive-aggressive reactions to my feelings.

I’m sorry for feeling like she’s a selfish bitch purposely trying to keep us from being close, as if I could take you from her.

As if I’d want to.  And I’m sorry that the longer this goes on, the more that changes.

Still, I don’t want you exclusively.  I want you fully.

I don’t want to limit you, I want to give you more.

More than you’ve allowed yourself, more than you’ve ever had, more than confining yourself to just one person could ever give you. 

I’m sorry I didn’t realize that you really did mean threesome not foursome until shortly after I said it.   Ouch.

Such a stupid girl.

Muse (short)

Never

Have I had any idea

How intoxicating the softness of a woman’s body could be

How much you could envelop me

Just by letting go

The more you soften, the more I soften

Until I’m blissfully melting into you

Where’d my edges go?

We soften, meld until I don’t know the difference between losing myself and finding myself

You think you need the contrast of overwhelming masculinity to feel feminine?

I think you’re wrong

Because what I know of you is breathtaking